Tuesday, June 21, 2005

 

Homesick as hell!

Ever since I arrived here I have been complaining and moaning about being homesick. And I knew going in that it would be so, but now that I am at site, with no one to talk to, it is really hard. And I am sick to boot, which just magnifies the homesickness.
My host family worries about me and it makes me uncomfortable. The teachers all want to help and it makes me nervous. My supervisor is solicitous and it makes me frustrated. I can't find a good place to go and sit and be happy in my solitude, like a nice park or a beach to walk on. I can go up to my room, and I do, but it is hot and confining up there. If I sit in the kitchen or living room the host family feels like they have to do something for me and finally say you go up to your room and study. They need a break from me.
At school I sit in the library and study Tagalog or read, or plan a lesson of one kind or another. The library is not used by anyone at school except me; the books are so old and mouldy and dusty it is no wonder. It is really quite a nice place to be,it receives a little shade and it is big and airy. The windows fill two walls and are slatted wooden shutters. Picture giant venitian blinds, when the slats are open the birds, bugs, etc. can come in, but so does the air. So this room stays relatively cool with the fan going. It is a nice place to be but it is also at school, so I can't very well go in there and hide out.
Today the kids started coming in. The first few days the boys would come up to me when I was outside during recess and say something to me, then run away. If they actually tried to talk to me it usually was to introduce one of their friends, they let someone else introduce them. The girls have been very shy. Every morning 4 kids are in there dusting, finally, today they told me their names. That seemed to uncork something because at recess they came back and talked to me and I asked them to help me with Tagalog, which tickled them. Then at lunch time the kids came in droves, telling each other's names, teaching me Tagalog words, and laughing at my pronunciation, then slowly repeating the word for me to say correctly. If I succeed in this venture it will be the kids that get me through.
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